Updated: Aug 21, 2020
"Yes, I'm a Christian!" I would so easily reply throughout my life when someone inquired about my faith. I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior at a young age. Growing up my mom would tell my brother and I how good God was, how He loved everyone.... so on and so forth. In Sunday school I would try to memorize verses and books of the Bible to ensure I received candy before I went home like every other child. When I would return home my mom always asked "What did you learn?" I replied with what I learned and went on about my business. In my life Jesus was just the lovable One in heaven that took care of and accepted everyone...whom I said I believed in if someone asked. I knew I was supposed to be a "good person" but I didn't know I was supposed to be born again. I was under the impression that as long as I made it clear that I believed in Him "I was good". I had no real reverence for God, He was just a casualty. In my early twenties I remember telling my mom "I love God, but I don't want to be "Holy Rolly " or a "Holy Roller". I thought I was too cool to be jumping around praising God and speaking in unknown tongues. "Are they even for real anyway? *insert side-eye*" I would think. I didn't want people running away from conversation with me because all I talked about was God. "It just don't take all that!" I said.
Little did I know it took ALL THAT and some!
In my early twenties I was so unhappy. I thought I was "behind" and not doing enough to prove myself successful. I was lonely and starving for attention. I had hardly any friends, aside from coworker's, in the new state I lived in. I was away from some family members. I felt I had no real purpose except working. All I focused on was what I didn't have. The fact that my timeline wasn't in motion frustrated me even more! I was unhappy, frustrated, and discontent because I wasn't flourishing the way "the world" said was the way to flourish. I was feeling the lowest I had ever felt in my life. I was especially upset because here I am trying to have morals and standards and STILL getting the "short end of the stick". "You can make many plans,but the Lords purpose will prevail. Proverbs 19:21 NLT" What I failed to see is that those standards I was hanging on to weren't powered by the word of God. So they had no power.
I thank God for the obedience of Heather Lindsey and her choice to be a vessel for Him. If she had ignored the call God placed on her life I would probably still be that depressed and discontent girl. I came across her Facebook page through repost of her quotes. I was drawn to the wisdom and knowledge in the words she spoke that came from her experiences and the word of God. I found myself binge watching all of her YouTube videos, and the things in my life that I was struggling with became more and more clear. Everything God used her to talk about ministered to me. I came to realize that I was not aligned with God's will for my life, and that was a BIG problem seeing that we are created BY Him and FOR Him!
"6I will say to the north and the south,'Bring my sons and daughters back to Israel from the distant corners of the earth. 7Bring all who claim me as their God,for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them. Isaiah 41:6,7 NLT"
My discontentment rooted from me setting my mind on the things of this world (having a man, status that came with money, possessions etc.) instead of the things of God. I was far from God "trying" to be the author of something He had already written...which got me nowhere.
"1Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. 4And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. Colossians 3:1-4 NLT"
I was so wrapped up in obtaining what I thought would elevate me that setting my thoughts on heavenly things was the last thing on my mind. After all, God was a casualty in my life. I didn't know the beauty of seeking God and allowing Him to add to and elevate me.
"but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matt 6:33 NLT"
I realized that because I was knowledgeable the enemy used every way I was discontent to take me out. "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10 NLT" I knew there was a devil, but I didn't know he was my enemy. he is a enemy to anyone in Christ...his fate is already determined, but ours is to be determined upon how we choose to live our lives. Please believe he wants to influence the way we live, what we do, and how we think. The depression I felt was a spiritual attack intended for me to abandon my vow to celibacy, my calling, and ultimately God. The veil had been removed from my eyes the more I learned. I could see how strategic God was in removing me from my hometown. I would've never developed a REAL relationship with Him if he hadn't separated me from what I knew. If I'd had the comfort of friends and family in this low period I was in I would've never thought to turn to God and away from sin and wrong thinking. I can't help but to praise God for every no I thought should've been a yes. Once I realized that the Lord was the One I was longing for all the while I chose to rededicated my life to God.
I took my hope back and put it in God. I no longer looked to fill the void of Jesus in my life with the temporary fixes that we are offered by our enemy in this world. I chose to not be distracted by what I didn't have and be thankful for what I did have.
So, what are you placing your hope in? Is it status, money, a spouse, marriage, having children, possessions???... Let me tell you that once you get it you STILL won't be satisfied. Your Creator didn't design you to be satisfied with those things. He is the only One that can satisfy us. It is deceit to believe otherwise.
"Jesus replied, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35 NLT"