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When To Tell Him You're a Virgin

This is how it usually goes...

• Meet someone you're attracted to

• Get to know one another

• You end up liking him

• Now its hanging over your head that you're not having sex until marriage

So, all you can think about or anticipate is the moment he tries to do the "night thang" (in the words of T Pain)...and how you're going to explain your decision to remain a virgin/abstinent until marriage.

More than likely you don't want to share your decision out of fear of rejection and so you opt to just play the situation by ear.

However, as your sis and someone whose been there before I am here to tell you that not sharing this information can be very dangerous while dating. Then on the other hand you also want to make sure that when you do share it, you can trust this person with the information as well. Because what we don't want is our business all over the school, the job, the church, amongst your friend group, social media or anywhere else.

Lets get into the reasons it can be dangerous to not be upfront about it...

1. Confusion: In the world we live in today anything goes. So, you really have to approach each person with the intention of finding out what it is exactly that they are into. Just because you decided to follow God and have morals, values, and a standard...doesn't mean the next person will. What you believe and stand on should be communicated so that there is no grey area or room for anything left to be assumed.

2. Leading someone on: When we fail to set boundaries from the jump and leave important things like your standard  for intimacy to be discussed whenever/however it comes up or "when the time is right" one can easily confuse your passiveness on this topic as ANYTHING! He may think you're trying to play hard to get or waiting on him to make the first move. People are different out here chile, and if you don't say what it is from the get go you leave it on the table to be assumed.

These can be dangers especially if we're doing things like spending the night at lil buddy house or vice versa (and yes I'm side eyeing you) or staying over late in the evening because things like that usually invite sex into the picture. You can very well be doing these things out of innocence and just enjoying this person's company, but what you don't have control over how he views it. Unfortunately there are some people in this world who "different" so you want to careful and not give an open door to the enemy.

Because we know that he roars around like a lion seeking who he can devour. He doesn't care that you're saving yourself or marriage. I can definitely attest to that because when I was single I found myself in a few uncomfortable situations all because I didn't want to say what I had going on. So moral of the story is...if you're not about that life (sex before marriage) your actions have to follow.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

1 Peter 5:8 KJV

Now that we've discussed dangers let's get into when and how to let your person know...

My advice on when to share it is...STRAIGHT out the gate!

It can really benefit you to do so because in the beginning you don't really know him like that. (assuming he isn't a long term friend) All you have to go off of is his good looks. It's when we spend that time with them and grow to like their personality and character that we dig a hole for ourselves. When you don't really like him like that is the best time to share because if he doesn't feel the same way it will be no love lost. Not going to will be a lil hurt because of the possibilities of what could be, but just think about the possibility of not dating someone who believes in or honors the word of God. Don't allow yourself to get super invested and then decide to be open about it. It can be awkward I know, but the are ways top make it less painful.


Make it conversational: take advantage of the first date...get together your top ten deal breaker questions and slide them into the conversation. This way you're able to make sure that this guy can measure up and is worthy of a second date. You NEVER want to wait until your back is against the wall in this area.

Your wording: It can really be awkward letting someone know that you're a virgin/born again virgin. You'll want to consider your wording because you can let him know without sounding like your a nun or virgin Mary. With a statement like "I don't believe in sex before marriage." or a question like "What are your beliefs on premarital sex?" you can get the conversation going and your point across without it being cringy.

Please note that here are guys that will agree with your stance just to spend more time with you in hope of you caving in and breaking your rules for them. Be leery of this and be prayerful regarding who you spend time with.

There are also guys that will reject you because of you decision. I know firsthand that this can leave you distraught. My advice to you is to not look at it as your loss, but his... you are a prize to be had and not a toy to be played with and disposed of when he's done with you.

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