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Wholeness Before the Ring

Ladies we sometimes make the mistake of thinking that having a man or husband will complete us. This was one of the biggest mistakes that made as a single woman. I was so lonely with this BIG desire to be somebody's wife that I entertained guy after guy trying to make a love connectionn but ultimately those encounters went nowhere. There is so much wrong with believing your wholeness begins when a man enters into your life. Its important to know for whom and why you were created. When we don't have that information we tend to try and fill this void (like a missing puzzle piece) with different things all the while failing to realize that the desire can never be met if it's not filled correctly.

NEWS FLASH: You're made whole through Christ Jesus.

So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Colossians 2:10

First and foremost God created you sis... and he created man (mankind, humans) for himself and to bring glory to himself. He literally created the heavens and the earth and once he was done he created someone to share it with. Someone to have relationship with Him and to communicate with. Your union with Christ is what makes you complete. So therefore another human could never complete you.

Some things to make note of...

Issues don't go away because you're in a relationship.

So everyone's "issue" is gonna be different. Again, my issue was loneliness. Yours maybe boredom, the fear of being alone, a lack of a father figure etc. We can't allow these issues to push us into the arms of men that aren't God's best for us. These are real issues that must be dealt with strategically, and not just placed a band aid over. We deal with these issues by way of renewing our mind with the word of God, healing, therapy, and godly counsel. Simply pacifying an issue with a significant other won't get to the root of it.

The man you're believing will be the answer to all your problems will have his own problems. Essentially you're trying to use an imperfect person to make your life perfect.

Sis, when all those butterflies wear off after the initial awe goes away and the dust settles and y'all are finally able to come up for air out of that honeymoon stage where everything is peachy keen... you will then be able to see that this person has flaws too and things that they need to seek God for as well. Imagine going into a relationship believing that this imperfect person is the answer to all of your worries and happiness. Like can you say recipe for disaster 😫...because every time they miss the mark your happiness depends on it.

You are still able to feel alone/depressed within a marriage.

Shocking, right?! Yeah sis this is still possible which is why it's super important that we focus on becoming whole instead of focusing on adding someone to our chaos. In the past I was one that felt "If only I had a man in my life everything would be perfect." 😑 I was sadly mistaken. As I said before the mess that you leave unresolved resurfaces in a relationship where two imperfect people are coming together to love one another. What I needed to do was get to the ROOT of what i was dealing with and be real with myself.

When i was finally able to turn things around what this looked like for me was...

  • Learning to enjoy my own company

  • Dating myself

  • Seeking God before anything else

  • Getting into community with like minded believers

  • Being prayerful regarding who I spent time with

  • Examining the reasons behind my actions

Alwaysr remember that a relationship with God is the most detrimental relationship to have. Nothing will EVER be able to substitute.

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