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Wholeness Before the Ring

Updated: Jul 21, 2023

Ladies, we sometimes make the mistake of thinking that having a man or husband is the ultimate goal in life. It's like the badge of honor that completes us as women. I can't lie - this was one of the biggest mistakes that I made as a single woman. I was so lonely and feeling as if there was something missing from my life. I had such a great desire to be somebody's wife that I let loneliness cause me to entertain wrong guy after wrong guy, and I went out of my way trying to create love connections with anybody who would show me some attention. There is so much wrong with believing your wholeness begins when a man enters into your life which is why it's important to know for whom and why you were created. When we don't have that information, we tend to try and fill this void/desire with distractions that don't belong - all the while failing to realize that the distraction can never fulfill you because quite frankly it is a counterfeit. Why is it a counterfeit you ask.

NEWS FLASH: You're made whole through Christ Jesus.

So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Colossians 2:10

Well, first and foremost God created you sis... and he created man (mankind, humans) for himself - to bring glory to himself. He literally created the heavens and the earth and once he was done, he created someone to share it with. Someone to have relationship with Him and to communicate with. For a long time, I ignored that relationship. It was definitely not purposefully, but still and yet it was not an area that I saw those around me paying much attention to out loud for others to see so I assumed that you pay God His respects and keep it moving, but God desires much more of us than that. He desires to have all of us - the good, the bad, and the ugly. There was so much that I thought having a spouse erase and I was so wrong about it all because God is the ultimate redeemer.

Some things to make note of...

Issues don't go away because you're in a relationship.

Everyone's "issue" is going to be different. Again, my issue was loneliness which caused me to seek out the affection of a man eagerly. Whatever your issue is we can't allow them to push us into the arms of men that aren't God's best for us. Trials and tribulations are real circumstances that must be dealt with strategically, and not just temporarily fixed with a band aid of love. We deal with these issues by way of renewing our mind with the word of God, healing, therapy, and godly counsel. Simply pacifying an issue with a significant other won't get to the root of it. Although another human can definitely make life sweeter - they could never complete you or fix deep rooted issues in your life.

The man you're believing will be the answer to all your problems will have his own problems. Essentially, you're trying to use an imperfect person to make your life perfect.

Sis, when all those butterflies dwindle away, the dust settles, and you and Bae are finally able to come up for air out of that honeymoon relationship stage where everything is peachy keen... you will then be able to see that this person has flaws too and things that they need to seek God for as well. Imagine going into a relationship believing that an imperfect person is the answer to all of your worries and happiness. Can you say recipe for disaster?

You are still able to feel alone/depressed within a marriage.

Shocking, right?! Yeah, sis this is still possible - which is why it's super important that we focus on becoming whole instead of focusing on adding someone to our chaos. I was one that felt "If only I had a man in my life everything would be perfect." 😑 I was sadly mistaken. As I said before the mess that you leave unresolved resurfaces. What I needed to do was be real with myself and get to the ROOT of what I was dealing with.

When I was finally able to turn things around what this looked like for me was...

  • Learning to enjoy my own company

  • Dating myself

  • Seeking God before anything else

  • Getting into community with like-minded believers

  • Being prayerful regarding who I spent time with

  • Examining the reasons behind my actions

Always remember that a relationship with God is the most detrimental relationship to have. Nothing will EVER be able to substitute.

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